Jokes About South St Petersburg

Jokes About South St Petersburg

What do you call a South St Pete woman who has 8 abortions? A crime fighter. (borrowed from Lisa Lampanelli)

A hurricane hit South St Petersburg last night and caused $600 million worth of improvement.

South St Petersburg is not the asshole of the earth, but you can certainly see it from there.

Two guys were talking in a bar, and the topic of South St Pete comes up. One opines, “you only get football players and hookers coming out of South Saint Pete.”

The other one looks at him menacingly, and says “My wife comes from South St Pete!”.

The other, thinking quickly, replies, “Really…..what position does she play?”

The economy is so bad even gang members are carpooling for drive-bys – Keith Michael Ashton (comedian)

What do you call the St Petersburg Police bulldozing a house in South St Pete?

A good start.

A priest is transferred to a South St Petersburg parish. He has to mail a letter, but does not know where the post office is, so he goes walking to look for it.  He sees a bunch of hookers standing on a corner, and says to one of them, “excuse me, miss, can you tell me where the post office is?”

She replies, “go two blocks down until you come to the pawn shop, turn right, go another two blocks until you come to the burned out crack house, and you will see it across the street, next to the liquor store.”

The priest thanks them and says, “Have you ladies ever considered giving up your sinful lives and letting me show you the way to heaven?”

The hooker answers, “show us the way to heaven? You can’t even find the goddamn post office!”

Are there any benefits of global warming / climate change?

Yes. South St Petersburg will be under water.

What is the difference between a person from South St Petersburg and a baby?

The baby will stop whining after awhile.

What’s the only thing that grows in South St Petersburg?

The Crime Rate!

What is the difference between a bucket of shit and someone from South St Petersburg?

The bucket.

What is a South St Petersburg landlord’s favorite game to play?


How do you castrate a person from South St Petersburg?

Kick his sister in the mouth

What should you do if you find three people from South St Petersburg buried up to their neck in cement?

Get more cement.

What’s the difference between a person from South St Petersburg and a carp?

One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

What do people from South St Petersburg and a bottle of beer have in common?

They’re both empty from the neck up.

How do kids from South St Petersburg spend the first week of the school year?

Studying the Miranda Rights

How do you know you are in South St Petersburg?

When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows!

Did you hear about the power outage in the South St Petersburg library?

Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

What does the average student from South St Petersburg get on his SAT?


What is the definition of a South St Petersburg virgin?

An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.

What’s the first thing an South St Petersburg girl does when she wakes up in the morning?

Walks home.

What did the South St Petersburg girl say after sex?

Get off me Dad, you’re crushing my cigarettes!

Why don’t girls play hide and seek in South St Petersburg?

No one would look for them.

Is Florida a good place to live?

Florida? Sure, if you like heat, humidity, hurricanes, sand-spurs, countless varieties of bugs, high crime, high unemployment, low wages, child molesters, animal abusers, rednecks, a part time legislature of used car dealers, insurance brokers and real estate developers writing laws for used car dealers, insurance brokers and real estate developers, dopey Republican governors, the Cuban mafia, the worst performing real estate market in the country, a dysfunctional education system, and OJ’s principle residence. Maybe if you are from Detroit or have never seen any other part of the world, then you will be content to live in a refrigerator for 6 months of the year.

What is the difference between a cat and a South St Pete person

One is a intelligent, sensitive, emotional, resourceful creature that is extraordinarily successful. The other survives on a combination of Welfare, Section 8 housing and food stamps.

Please send us your jokes.

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